FDFH Chapter 4

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Chapter 4: Two or Three Interesting Incidents at Home

There were three important things that yifu did every day.

One, sleep. Those familiar with him knew as soon as he lied down in his clothes, he could doze for half the day without waking up.

Two, growing medicinal plants. After sleeping, he would use the remaining half of the day to plant small herbs and touch the young flowers.

Three, eating flowers. Though this step required very little time, he had to use more beforehand to cook my meals. So you can imagine that because of this, I still took one-third of the space in yifu’s heart.

With a brush in my mouth, I pondered a bit.

After writing these things down in the regular script[1],  I folded the Xuan paper[2] into three sections before stuffing it into a small box beneath my bed. It was almost half full of my little paper strips from daily calligraphy practice.

How dull…

I gave a long sigh before lying on my desk, hanging my head.

This was still a boy’s robe, light purple in hue. The cool material, when worn in summer, made the skin felt refreshed and comfortable all over. This had to be made from high-quality fabric, and yifu often wore clothes from the same make. But why was it another male garment, and why was it the wrong size? Kneeling on the chair, one hand propping myself up, I lifted the robes with one hand as I grabbed a bronze mirror off the wall to peer at my reflection.

My eyes looked like eyes, and my nose looked like a nose[1]. I squinted as I tugged forward the hairs atop my head for inspection…hn, the strands were so withered and sallow. After being nursed back to health, my face was rounder and more mellow these days, but the skin was still as dark as before.

When I used to be a beggar, there was no way to take baths, so everyone was dirty. It wasn’t a big deal, but now that I lived with Fang Hua, who exuded a fragrant aroma every day and had skin like a pool of frosty snow, I couldn’t help but feel inferior.

Actually, it wasn’t such a big deal, it’s just that he was as beautiful as a girl, whereas I was dirty like a boy… I didn’t know why, no matter how I rubbed myself down with a damp towel, I simply couldn’t get clean. And if I lowered my head to sniff myeslf…

There was still some type of smell.

Could it be I was just paranoid?

“Shao’er…” the pile of bedding next to me moved a bit.

I continued to pinch the skin atop my arm, spacing out a bit as I tidied myself up.

“Shao’er, give me a drink of water.” A head full of messy hair poked out of the bedcovers, following by a form with an alluring posture, the pillow in disarray on one side. His eyelashes were exceedingly long and trembled, while the bewitching cinnabar mark at the corner of an eye would startle all who saw him.

I nodded and fell down flat onto the ground with a clap. As I raised my head to wave, an affectionate gaze from a pupil that shone like moonlight gave me a rather pitying look.

My heart thumped wildly.

I randomly rubbed my hand on my clothes, quickly poured a cup of water, and carried it over in both hands.

“No wonder you’re so unrefined,” Fang Hua smiled, shaking his head in spite of himself. “Who would wipe their hand on their robes? The new clothes are dirty again.”

“I won’t dare to in the future,” I honestly admitted my mistakes. “Next time I’ll definitely wipe my hands clean before touching my clothes.”

His mood seemed exhausted as he ignored me to drink his tea. I carried over a small wooden stool and sat in front of him, both hands supporting my chin as I watched like an idiot.

Strictly speaking, his positions while drinking the water were exceedingly beautiful: one hand holding it in his palm, the other using his sleeve to shield half his face, every gesture evoking the aura of an elite noble gentleman.

I studied his appearance and patterns until he looked sideways at me and spat in my face.

…in between the good feelings, surprise rose. I gave him a look full of profound meaning. He lowered his head and coughed, shoulders shaking uncontrollably.

“Yifu,” I used my sleeve to wipe my face, but after noticing his slant-eyed stare, consciously pulled out a small handkerchief from my robes, shaking it a few times before continuing to wipe….hn, a deep sigh. This was definitely water from him. There was a deep flowery fragrance floating in the water as I clicked my tongue to speak, “Why do you always call me Shao’er?”

He seemed stupefied. “Did you have a name before?”

“No.”

They called me little ragamuffin, beggar, and urchin, but these didn’t count as names…

“Then it’s correct,” he gave me an askance look, before reclining leisurely to speak. “That hairclip you’re wearing at the back of your bun is just like those little hair ornaments with the handle of a shao[4] (spoon). Don’t you think this name is pretty good?”

This time, I was tired to the point of exhaustion. He suddenly smiled and gave me an embrace.

“Your name is Shao Hua[5].”

He kept hugging me like this without moving until I was crushed to a point where I couldn’t breathe. At that time, I looked up at him to see his eyes closed, lost in sleep.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh…….

I was furious.

This yifu resembled an Immortal, but after a while, you’d realize that besides his three things, he couldn’t take care of himself at all. On one day, I finally received another new set of robes even larger than last time, with the sleeves dragging on the ground. It drove me beyond the limits of patience.

Yifu, these clothes are too big.”

“That’s what I told the shopkeeper too, but he said children grow very fast so you can also wear this in the future.”

You didn’t need to buy me clothes for five years in advance…I cry…

“Yifu, could you not buy this style next time?”

He raised an eyebrow to stare at me.

I showed off my undeveloped chest, and firmly stared into his eyes as I spoke. “I’m a girl…”

He seemed to have half-understood. “So then?

[Most up to date translations for this series can be found on volaretranslations.]

There was no way to communicate with him.

I thought he was pretending to be stupid. Later on, I discovered he had no knowledge of women from the start. This conclusion came three days after this incident.

I was holding back the whole way before running into the forest. Lowering my head, I rustled and undid my waistband, squatting down in a straddling position. After watering the flowers and grass, I stretched upwards, refreshed, and immediately came face-to-face with a wide-eyed Fang Hua.

“Do you have an unmentionable disease somewhere?”

“Ah?”

“Why do you squat, wouldn’t you wet yourself that way?”

“Yifu, I’d only wet myself if I stood to do it.”

“How could this be…? Let me take a look for you.” After speaking, he seriously made a move to lift up my robes.

I gave a start, feeling anything but reassured, and stopped talking to turn away and flee. However…I forgot the most important thing.

He had internal energy[6].

A rock hit a certain spot on my shoulder before bouncing to the ground. In that moment my entire body turned stiff and I fell over, unable to move. I only felt a pair of hands lift me up by the waistband, tug down my trousers and…

Inside, I was crying.

He actually examined me with his hands before unsealing my movements with the same shoulder tap. I escaped his clutches as soon as I hit the ground, but he walked over with sympathy flooding his eyes. “When did you castrate yourself?”

I remained sullen.

Seeing that I wouldn’t answer, he nodded understandingly and walked away, quietly speaking to himself. “So these are the enunchs I’ve read about in books…they really are a little different from ordinary people.”

“All of them are missing that thing.”

I was stunned until my anger made my whole body tremble.

For Mother’s sake, was he done humiliating people yet?

I AM A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!

-o- [Most up to date translations for this series can be found on volaretranslations.]

[1]regular script (小楷)-also known as xiao kaia type of calligraphic script that appeared in 200CE and used in most modern writings today. The characters are known to be uniform and regular, making it neat and easy to read.

[2]Xuan paper (宣纸) - a type of high quality paper made in Xuancheng (the City of Xuan) in Anhui Province, especially good for traditional Chinese painting and calligraphy.

[3] eyes…like eyes, nose…like a nose (眼是眼,鼻是鼻) -yanshiyan, bishishi, meaning that there was nothing strange or deformed about her features, but she looked like any person would.

[4]shao (勺) -as noted, Chinese for spoon.

[5]Shao Hua (勺嬅) - literally “beautiful spoon”. Keep in mind that the Hua in Shao’er’s name has a 女 character on the side to add a touch of femininity to the character. It also differs from Fang Hua’s character, which is 华. While hers denotes beauty, his implies magnificence and splendor. Naming people with homonyms is quite common and can sometimes be quite clever. I wonder if Fang Hua picked this one on purpose.

[6]internal energy (内功) - neigong, circulated by cultivators and used as a source of their supernatural powers.


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  • Buahaaaaaaaaa funny

  • Lantis

    AHAHAHAHAHA XD

  • Wait, he knows he’s male and not a mother but he doesn’t know what a girl is!? Freaking hilarious!

    Thanks for the update!

  • OMG! AHAHAHA…that was so funny!

  • “So these are the enunchs I’ve read about in books…they really are a little different from ordinary people.”

    lol

    Thanks for the chapter! 🙂